4 Reasons why you are so scared of your feelings as a fearful avoidant
Introduction
Emotions can be tricky. They can hit us out of nowhere, and sometimes they refuse to leave, no matter how much we want them to. But what if we could coexist with our emotions, no matter their nature? Let’s dive into the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style, understand why we’re often scared of our feelings, and explore how we can process our emotions in a healthier way.
Why am I scared of my feelings?
Our fear of feelings often takes root in our childhood experiences. For many of us, expressing emotions freely wasn’t an option. If we showed our feelings and were met with rejection or punishment, we learned to suppress them. Parents, often uncomfortable with their own emotions, passed down their fears and discomfort to us.
In many families, only certain emotions were deemed acceptable. This led to an emotional performance of sorts, where we constantly tried to fit into the limited emotional states that were approved, be it happiness, contentment, or indifference. If emotions like sadness or anger weren’t welcomed, we learned to classify them as ‘bad’ and suppress them, missing the opportunity to understand or address our real emotional needs.
How can I overcome these fears?
To begin accepting all our feelings, we must first acknowledge that feelings, whether positive or negative, are natural and integral to the human experience. Understanding that it’s okay to feel, and that emotions don’t need to be immediately fixed or suppressed, can be liberating. It’s also crucial to learn to recognize our needs and address them. Instead of judging ourselves for feeling a certain way, we can ask ourselves, “What does my body need right now?” This mindset can significantly reduce the exhaustion that comes from resistance and help restore our energy levels.
Some of our fear of emotions stems from past interactions where emotions were seen as inconvenient or even harmful. Recognizing these patterns can help us understand that our emotions aren’t responsible for others’ emotional states. We have the right to feel and express our emotions without guilt or fear of causing harm.
Understanding and reframing our relationship with emotions is not about dismissing the struggles or pretending that negative feelings are unwelcome. It’s about creating a space where all emotions can exist without judgment, allowing us to return to our natural state of love and peace. The journey towards emotional acceptance is not about suppressing or eliminating feelings but understanding their roots and their messages. Embrace the philosophy that all feelings have a place and a role in your personal growth and wellbeing.
Understanding Fearful Avoidant Attachment: A Deep Dive into Self-Perception and Emotion Management
Many individuals with a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style carry a core belief that they are inherently bad or constantly making mistakes. This belief stems from a misinterpretation of their actions and a deep-seated fear of causing harm to others. Despite their protective nature, their intense self-critical view convinces them that they are a danger to others, which is both sad and ironically contrary to their empathetic intentions.
People with this attachment style employ numerous defense mechanisms to protect others from what they perceive as their own harmful influence. This can lead to suppressing their true feelings and desires, putting immense energy into safeguarding others from themselves. This internal battle creates a significant barrier to embracing self-worth and recognizing their value in the world.
Interestingly, the primary fear is not about experiencing emotions themselves, but about the stories attached to these emotions. For instance, the fear may not be the act of crying, but the assumption that crying will cause discomfort or sadness to others. These stories, often shaped by past experiences and interactions, heighten the fear of expressing genuine emotions, leading to further emotional suppression.
In relationships, individuals with Fearful Avoidant Attachment may impose unrealistic expectations on themselves, like needing to feel intensely in love all the time. When natural feelings of needing space or feeling overwhelmed arise, they panic, fearing that these feelings indicate a lack of love. This can cause a spiral of negative self-judgment that stifles the honest expression of feelings and complicates relationships.
Acknowledging and permitting all feelings, without attaching restrictive narratives to them, is crucial. This approach allows space for both positive and negative emotions within relationships, which is normal and healthy. By reducing the fear around ‘incorrect’ feelings and accepting emotional complexity, individuals can experience a more genuine and less strained interaction with themselves and others.
Allowing emotions to flow naturally without resistance can significantly ease psychological distress. The idea that any emotion can only last in the body for about 90 seconds unless suppressed is a powerful reminder that feelings are transient and manageable. A peaceful mind comes from accepting all emotions and understanding that this acceptance enriches your internal life, paving the way for healing and truly peaceful existence.
Conclusion: Living with a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style is challenging, but understanding and gradually reshaping the way we view and handle our emotions can lead to substantial improvements in both self-perception and relationships. By embracing our complex human emotions with less judgment and fear, we create a more balanced and fulfilling emotional life.