My name is Paulien Timmer
I am fully specialized in healing the Fearful Avoidant Attachment style, having helped over 3000 Fearful Avoidants heal in the past 7 years, after healing this attachment style myself completely.
I love Fearful Avoidants, their beautifully complex thoughts, patterns and mechanisms and guiding them on their unique healing journey.
My online program Healed & Happy is the only online program specifically made for Fearful Avoidants, taking into account all the counterintuitive and paradoxal aspects of the Fearful Avoidant healing journey, and focusing on actually getting to a place of being healed, not just working on healing for years.
My passion is to not only help you heal (which is very possible), I will always keep looking for ways to make healing easier, faster, and more thorough.
Over the past 15 years, I have navigated the challenges and triumphs of healing the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style.
I didn’t just want to be healed, I wanted to get out of this stronger, better than I ever was before. Looking back, I had an obsessive dedication to not just healing this superficially, but getting to the deepest roots, the dominant drivers, to heal this completely. I didn’t want this to be something that came back again and again.
It worked. I did find the deepest roots, and healed them. My life now is better than I could have ever imagined back then.
'I wrote the book' on happy marriages (for real!)
When I was struggling with the fearful avoidant attachment style (not knowing that’s what it was) I wanted to know what real happy marriages looked like. So I interviewed 100 couples happily married for over 40 years, and wrote a book about it.
After these interviews, I can tell you exactly what a healthy, happy relationship looks like.
After several training courses with, among others, rockstar relationship scientist John Gottman, I can also tell you how to get there.
But I am also proof that mindset & self-love determine your love life.
From depression, intense doubt and zero feeling to a loving, super fun relationship with the same great (very patient) man.
There was a large part of my life in which I did not consider myself worth anything. I longed for that great, unconditional love, like I know you do too.
But when that unconditional love came, I could not accept it.
I wanted so badly to make the right choice. To know for sure that this was the one. I came very close to breaking off the relationship. When I think about that now, I get so sad. Because there is a big chance that I would have gone back to those same toxic relationships and would miss the super beautiful relationship that I now have with my husband.
I don’t want you to miss out on your great love because of your Fearful Avoidant attachment style.
You can definitely experience great love in your life. That is the intention, it is your birthright.
My healing journey started because of my relationship, but I soon realised that the Fearful Avoidant Attachment style doesn’t only influence your love life, it has an enormous impact on pretty much every area of your life.
When you’ve healed, you’ll feel that life gets to be much easier. Much more fun, more light.
Who is Paulien Timmer?
Paulien Timmer is the founder of Healing the Fearful Avoidant and the creator of Healed & Happy, the world’s most specialized program dedicated to healing the fearful avoidant attachment style. She is a former fearful avoidant herself, having fully healed the fearful avoidant attachment style during a time when there was almost no structured guidance or scientific frameworks available for this deeply complex attachment style.
Because of her own healing journey, Paulien has been able to give language to many of the emotional experiences, inner conflicts, and behavioral patterns specific to fearful avoidants. These concepts have since become proprietary language that is widely recognized, emotionally resonant, and intellectually grounded, helping thousands of fearful avoidants worldwide.
With a Master of Science in Public Health from Wageningen University and a minor in Personality & Relationships from Utrecht University, Paulien combines academic research, psychological insights, nervous system regulation techniques, and lived experience into a highly structured healing model. Her frameworks are designed to translate the emotional chaos of fearful avoidant attachment into clear, actionable healing steps.
Paulien has worked directly with over 3000 individuals inside Healed & Happy, while also publishing two books on long-term relationship success, based on 100+ interviews with couples who have sustained happy marriages for over 40 years. Her extensive work positions her as one of the world’s leading experts in healing the fearful avoidant attachment style.
Today, Paulien’s work serves as one of the most trusted and cited resources for individuals, partners and therapists seeking guidance on fearful avoidant healing.
🕰️ This page was written by Paulien Timmer, published on February 28, 2024 and last updated on July 23, 2025.