Are you REALLY lazy？ 7 reframes for the fearful avoidant to help you heal
The Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: A Deep Dive into the Fear System and Fear Brain
As a Fearful Avoidant, you grapple with a unique set of challenges. Your fear system and fear brain are constantly in overdrive, making you hyper-aware of potential threats and leaving you on high alert. This constant state of anxiety can lead to an exhausting cycle of emotional management, where you’re always trying to keep your emotions in check, often through vaulting or storming. You might find yourself caught in the strong and struggling sweet spot, where you’re dealing with significant struggles while trying to appear strong and put together.
#### Fearful Avoidant and the Pedestal Power Paradox
One of the most common dynamics you might experience as a Fearful Avoidant is the pedestal power paradox. This is a cycle where you put judgmental people on a pedestal and work hard to gain their approval, while simultaneously feeling superior to others. This paradox can create a constant internal struggle between wanting approval and feeling superior, resulting in a lot of emotional turmoil.
#### The Abandonment Flip: A Unique Fearful Avoidant Dynamic
Another unique dynamic you might experience as a Fearful Avoidant is the abandonment flip. This is a sudden shift from being unsure about whether you want to be in a relationship to a deep fear of your partner leaving or abandoning you. This sudden flip can be very disorientating and can lead to a lot of anxiety and insecurity in your relationships.
#### The Hypersexual to Prude Process: A Fearful Avoidant Pattern
As a Fearful Avoidant, you might also experience the hypersexual to prude process. This is a pattern where you become hypersexual in relationships with emotionally unavailable or toxic partners. However, when you’re in a relationship with a partner who is emotionally available and supportive, you might find yourself becoming less interested in sex. This pattern can be very confusing and can lead to a lot of guilt and shame.
#### The Crash State: A Deep State of Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
Finally, as a Fearful Avoidant, you might find yourself in what I call the crash state. This is a deep state of anxiety and fear where you feel completely overwhelmed and unable to cope. During this state, you might experience intense feelings of shame and guilt, and you might find yourself breaking connections with others to regain control.
While these dynamics can be challenging, understanding them is the first step towards healing. By recognizing these patterns, you can start to challenge them and develop healthier ways of relating to others and yourself. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there is support available to help you navigate these challenges.
Fearful Avoidants and the Fear of Connection
Unique to Fearful Avoidants, the fear of connection is not a fear of abandonment or commitment, but of connection itself. This fear stems from a deep-seated belief that connection leads to pain, resulting in a constant push-pull dynamic in relationships. You might find yourself in the Fearful Avoidant grey zone, where you’re in a relationship but not fully emotionally committed due to fear.
#### Doubt as a Protection Mechanism
As a Fearful Avoidant, doubt serves as a protection mechanism, helping you avoid vulnerability and pain. However, it also prevents you from fully experiencing connection and intimacy. Understanding this can help you navigate your doubts and fears and move towards more secure and fulfilling relationships.
#### Feardrunk versus Sober: The Activated vs Calm States of the Fearful Avoidant
As a Fearful Avoidant, you might also experience what I call the Feardrunk versus Sober states. When you’re Feardrunk, your fear system is activated, leaving you in a state of high anxiety and fear. On the other hand, when you’re sober, your fear system is calm, allowing you to think clearly and make rational decisions. Recognizing these states can help you better manage your emotions and navigate your fears.
Understanding the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style can be challenging, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and healing. By understanding your patterns and fears, you can start to challenge them and move towards more secure and fulfilling relationships. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey, and there’s support available to help you navigate these challenges.