Fearful Avoidant and Money Issues

Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: Dealing with Connection Control and Emotional Management

Hi there, I’m Paulien, and today we’re exploring two key aspects of the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style: Connection Control and Emotional Management. These two elements play a significant role in how Fearful Avoidants navigate their relationships.

#### What is Connection Control?

Connection control describes how Fearful Avoidants fear and therefore control connection. They want closeness but are also afraid of it. This fear often stems from past traumatic experiences that have taught them that connection can lead to pain. As a result, they try to control the level of connection they have with others, usually by pushing people away when they get too close, and pulling them back when they feel too distant. This push-pull dynamic can be exhausting and confusing for both the Fearful Avoidant and their partners.

#### What is Emotional Management?

Emotional management is the internal manager controlling emotions, due to a judgmental upbringing. Fearful Avoidants often grow up in environments where their feelings were judged or dismissed. As a result, they learn to suppress or control their emotions as a means of avoiding judgment or rejection. This can lead to a pattern of emotional suppression and explosion, where they hold in their feelings until they can’t anymore, and then release them in a big, often overwhelming, emotional storm.

#### How do these two aspects interact?

The interplay between connection control and emotional management can create a lot of tension and instability in the Fearful Avoidant’s relationships. The fear of connection can lead to a constant push-pull dynamic, where they are constantly trying to find the ‘right’ amount of closeness. Meanwhile, their emotional management can make it difficult for them to express their needs and feelings in a healthy, constructive way. This can lead to a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings on both sides.

#### How can Fearful Avoidants address these issues?

The first step is awareness. Understanding these dynamics can help Fearful Avoidants recognize their patterns and start to change them. From there, it’s about learning new skills and strategies. This can include learning how to communicate their needs and feelings in a more constructive way, learning how to manage their emotions without suppressing or exploding them, and learning how to navigate connection without letting fear take the wheel. This is a process, and it takes time and patience, but it is absolutely possible.

#### Final Thoughts

Understanding these aspects of the Fearful Avoidant attachment style can be a powerful step towards healing and growth. It’s not about blaming yourself or feeling bad about your patterns, but about understanding them so that you can start to change them. And remember, you don’t have to do this alone. There are many resources and supports available to help you on this journey. Stay tuned for more insights and strategies for navigating the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style.

Until next time, remember: You are not alone, and you are worthy of love and connection. Keep going, keep growing, and keep believing in yourself.