3 Differences Between a High and True Happiness
Hello and welcome to a special blog post where we delve deeper into the joys and pitfalls of emotional highs and what it really means to find happiness. As someone who has navigated the challenging waters of the fearful avoidant attachment style, I know all too well the rollercoaster of intense emotions that can come with it. Today we’re going to clarify some key differences between fleeting “highs” and true, lasting happiness.
What exactly are these “highs” that fearful avoidants experience?
Fearful avoidants often go through extreme cycles of highs followed by severe lows. During a high, you may feel on top of the world – it’s exhilarating and can feel like a rush of positive hormones like dopamine and serotonin. This “high” can come from achievement or approval from others, which can give an overwhelming sense of joy. The problem with these highs, however, is that they’re usually followed by significant lows, where feelings of worthlessness can creep in. This makes the high addictive because you start craving that peak feeling again to avoid the drop.
How do emotional “highs” differ from true happiness?
1. Undercurrents of anxiety: Although highs can be intensely pleasurable, they often come with an undercurrent of anxiety. There is a constant fear that the positive feelings will end and a sense that they will never be enough. This can make the experience quite nerve-wracking, with a constant desire for more, even if it is not sustainable.
2. Reliance on external validation: Highs are generally triggered by external factors, such as someone’s approval or some achievement. For example, receiving a compliment from someone you have put on a pedestal can send you to the clouds. However, this reliance on external sources means that your emotional state is always unstable and dependent on others.
3. Temporary and exhausting: Because these highs are not self-generated and rely heavily on external stimuli, they do not last. The body and mind can only handle these hormone surges temporarily before it becomes too much, leading to the inevitable crash. This cycle can be exhausting and draining.
So what does true happiness feel like?
True happiness, on the other hand, is a calm, consistent feeling that doesn’t deplete your emotional reserves. It doesn’t rely on the approval of others and isn’t followed by a crash. Instead, it comes from an inner contentment and peace with yourself. True happiness involves the same feel-good hormones (like dopamine and serotonin) but without the anxious, addictive rush. It feels even better than the highs because it’s more stable and genuine, without leaving you wanting more in an unhealthy way.
Why might some people be afraid to give up the highs in exchange for true happiness?
Many fearful avoidants may initially be hesitant to give up the highs because they’re used to the intensity of these feelings. There’s often a fear that life without them will be boring or less enjoyable. But what really happens when you heal and focus on true happiness is the realization that this stable state is far more satisfying and less draining than the exhausting cycle of highs and lows.
So when you find yourself caught between the temporary rush of highs and the desire for lasting happiness, remember that it is a journey. True happiness may not feel as intense at first, especially if you are used to the dramatic swings, but it is richer and ultimately more satisfying. Let’s embrace our emotions, learn from them, and encourage ourselves to lean into the peace that comes with true happiness, even if it feels unfamiliar at first.
Thank you for joining me today. I hope this insight helps enrich your journey toward a happier, more emotionally stable life!
Can you turn emotional highs into true happiness?
Q: Is it really possible to turn fleeting emotional highs into lasting happiness?
A: Absolutely, and the secret is to allow yourself to experience these emotions without holding on to them too tightly. When you feel good, acknowledge it, take a deep breath, and simply be grateful for the moment. This approach helps shift the feeling from anxious anticipation to calm excitement.
Q: Why is it hard to be grateful for good feelings when you are a fearful avoidant? attachment style?
A: It can be incredibly difficult at first because there is often a deep-seated fear that these good feelings will soon disappear, as they inevitably will. People with this attachment style can feel emotionally starved and terrified of losing positive emotions. However, cultivating gratitude, even for fleeting moments of joy, is a crucial step toward healing and embracing true happiness.
Q: What role does gratitude play in achieving true happiness?
A: Gratitude allows you to appreciate the good moments without clinging to them. It teaches you that while good feelings are fleeting, the capacity for joy and contentment is a permanent part of you. Over time, this perspective fosters a calming, lasting sense of happiness that is not dependent on external factors.
Q: Do I have to completely overcome my fearful avoidant attachment style to find true happiness?
A: No, you don’t have to wait until you are fully healed. True happiness is more accessible than you might think, even while working through attachment issues. As you progress in your healing journey, you will find that happiness and peace will occur more often in your life, naturally and effortlessly.
Q: What can I expect as I begin to heal from a fearful avoidant attachment style?
A: As you heal, you will find that your happiness becomes more consistent. You will not have to work as hard to feel good, nor will you experience as much fear. The feeling of constant emotional exertion will begin to fade, replaced by a serene and sustainable form of happiness.