3 Reasons why you postpone happiness as a fearful avoidant

Hello, dear ones! Today, we’re going to explore an intriguing paradox that many of us, particularly those with a fearful avoidant attachment style, might find ourselves entangled in. Have you ever found yourself putting off happiness, believing you must first heal or fix every part of your life? Let’s dive into why this happens and how we can begin to embrace happiness right now, even in the midst of healing.

Q: Why do we, as fearful avoidants, often postpone happiness?

As someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style, you might find yourself subscribing to the belief that happiness is a reward that comes after the healing process is complete. This comes from the notion that only a perfect, healed version of ourselves is worthy of happiness. But this is a fallacy. By waiting for perfect happiness, we end up continually deferring the experience of joy in the present moment. It’s as if we’re setting happiness aside as a prize rather than allowing it to be a part of our everyday existence.

Q: Is it normal to feel guilty about experiencing happiness?

Absolutely, yes! It’s not uncommon to clamp down on moments of happiness because of feelings of unworthiness or a fear that it’s not the “right” time because we’re not “there yet”—meaning, not fully healed. This guilt or self-imposed limitation comes from the illusion that imperfection is incompatible with joy. But in reality, allowing ourselves to experience happiness as we journey can be not only beneficial but also healing in and of itself.

Q: How does unfamiliarity with happiness affect our ability to experience it?

Interestingly, when we do experience happiness, it can feel uncomfortable simply because it’s an unfamiliar sensation. Our bodies and minds are more accustomed to states like sadness, anxiety, or anger. To counteract this, it can be helpful to consciously practice experiencing happiness, familiarizing our bodies with the sensations and reactions associated with positive emotions. This might feel strange at first, but with time, our systems can learn to accept and even welcome these feelings.

Q: Why might someone fear being happy in terms of social support?

A significant reason people avoid happiness is the fear of losing support or empathy from others. If we appear happy and fulfilled, others might assume we no longer need help or emotional support, which can be isolating. Additionally, there’s a concern about increased expectations from others—if we’re happy, people might assume we can handle more, potentially leading to overwhelming demands or responsibilities.

Q: What are the subconscious benefits of not being happy that we might hold onto?

Interestingly, remaining unhappy can sometimes serve as a protective mechanism. For instance, being in a state of constant struggle might elicit empathy from others or temper their expectations of us. From our childhood experiences, particularly in demanding environments, we might have developed subconscious coping mechanisms where struggling provides a form of safety from judgment or excessive demands.

Q: How can we start embracing happiness now?

The first step is recognizing and challenging these hidden benefits of unhappiness. Reflect on why you might feel safer or more comfortable with negative emotions, and consciously question those beliefs. Embrace the fact that happiness doesn’t need to be complete, consistent, or perfect to be experienced. Start small by appreciating joyful moments as they come, without the pressure for them to be anything more than what they are.

If this topic resonates with you, or if you’re interested in exploring more about how to break free from the cycle of postponing happiness, consider diving deeper into more personalized resources or therapeutic approaches. Remember, allowing yourself to feel joy does not negate the validity of your healing journey—it enriches it. Let’s not wait for a perfect day to feel happy; let’s find reasons to smile in the here and now.

Thank you for reading, and may your path towards healing also be filled with moments of joy and happiness. You deserve it, even now.

Can I Allow Myself to Be Happy Before Feeling Completely Healed?

Many of us hold the belief that happiness is something we must earn or that it only arrives after we’ve overcome all our personal struggles. Does this resonate with you? If so, you’re not alone in this way of thinking, but it’s important to challenge it.

Why do I delay my own happiness?

You may find yourself putting off happiness because of uncertainty about the future, thinking it’s better to wait until everything is perfect. However, seeing life as a finite timeline rather than an endless future can shift your perspective dramatically. It reminds us that waiting indefinitely means we might miss out on the joy available right here, right now.

How can changing my approach to happiness help?

Acknowledging that your current strategy to achieve happiness might not be effective is the first step towards change. This realization can motivate you to let go of the fears and barriers preventing you from experiencing true happiness. Asking yourself, “What if I try a different approach?” can lead to new, more positive experiences and relationships.

Is it really possible to be happy before being fully healed?

Yes, absolutely! Happiness and healing are not mutually exclusive. You can, and should, embrace moments of joy even amidst the healing process. Allowing yourself happiness can actually support your journey to healing, giving you strength and more balanced perspectives.

What if I want more support on this journey?

If you’re looking for more structured guidance, consider joining relevant online programs or subscribing to resources that resonate with your needs. Getting involved in communities that focus on healing and happiness can offer additional support and valuable information as you navigate your path.

Remember, happiness is not a destination but a part of the journey itself. Each step you take towards allowing yourself to enjoy life’s moments adds richness to your overall experience, even before reaching what you might consider ‘full healing’. Don’t hesitate to share your experiences or ask questions in the comments below. I always look forward to hearing your insights and seeing you in future posts!