5 Reasons You Do Not Feel For Your Partner： Fearful Avoidant Emotions

## Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style: A Complex Emotional Landscape

Hey there, lovely readers! Today we’re delving deep into the world of the Fearful-Avoidant (FA) attachment style. Have you ever felt like your emotions are in a constant state of flux? One moment you’re madly in love with your partner, the next you feel indifferent or even repulsed by them? This is a common experience for those with the FA attachment style. But why does this happen? Let’s explore.

The Fear of Connection

For FAs, the very idea of a close, constant connection can be incredibly daunting. When you’re in a relationship where your partner is emotionally available, this consistent connection can trigger fear. To cope, you might subconsciously shut down your feelings to maintain a sense of control and keep your partner at a safe distance. This is what I like to call “connection control”.

The Fear of Happiness Being Taken Away

Another common fear among FAs is that once you allow yourself to feel happy, or deeply in love, these feelings will be stripped away. This belief may have been shaped by your past experiences, where expressions of joy led to negative consequences, or from the media, where happiness in relationships is often followed by tragedy or loss. I call this the “emotional hormone allergy”.

The Fear of Unworthiness

Many FAs struggle with feelings of unworthiness. If you believe you don’t deserve happiness or love, you might find yourself subconsciously undermining these positive experiences. You might think, “I’m not good enough for this happiness,” or “I always mess up, so why should I deserve this?” This is what I refer to as “relationship perfectionism and feelings perfectionism”.

Navigating the Emotional Maze

Recognizing the root of these fears is the first and most important step in navigating your emotions. Understanding why you’re scared and what you’re protecting yourself from by suppressing your emotions can be incredibly enlightening. Therapy or counselling can provide significant help in uncovering and addressing these deep-seated fears and beliefs. Additionally, open communication with your partner about your fears and needs can promote understanding and patience within the relationship. This is part of what I call the “braindumping method”.

Conclusion

Dealing with a fearful-avoidant attachment style isn’t easy, and it often feels like being in a battle with your emotions. But by exploring the reasons behind your feelings and reactions, you can start to foster awareness, which is key to healing and growth. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and it’s entirely possible to form fulfilling relationships despite these challenges. Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and allow yourself to experience love and happiness fully.

Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle, and every step you take towards understanding your feelings is a leap towards a healthier, happier you. Keep going!

## Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: A Conversation

Let’s have a conversation about the emotional challenges associated with a fearful-avoidant attachment style. This style is marked by a fear of intimacy combined with a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness. Despite fearing closeness, there’s also a deep fear of losing the relationship. This fear might lead someone to emotionally shut down, believing it would hurt less if the relationship ended. It’s an attempt to protect oneself from potential pain by not fully engaging emotionally in the relationship. This is what I call the “fearful avoidant grey zone”.

In interviews with long-term couples and widows, it was found that allowing oneself to fully experience love and be present in the relationship can be deeply fulfilling. Those who had lost their partners felt grateful for the love they had and treasured their memories. This realization encourages embracing love fully, without the overshadowing fear of potential loss.

The “fear brain” is an overactive fear response that casts a shadow over positive emotions. It tricks individuals into believing that being too happy or in love might lead them to overlook potential threats or issues. This results in a state of hyper-vigilance where one continuously scans for what might go wrong, making it hard to relax and enjoy the good moments.

Healing from a fearful-avoidant attachment style can involve therapy or self-reflection to address and understand the roots of fear and avoidance. This process teaches the “fear brain” that constant vigilance and emotional withdrawal aren’t necessary for protection. It encourages a reevaluation of how emotional engagement and relaxation can coexist without the constant fear of impending doom.

Embracing life’s moments—both large and small—is crucial. It’s about changing the narrative from a life of constant anxiety and hyper-vigilance to one of presence and enjoyment. The transformation involves realizing that you can handle life’s challenges without preemptive worry, and that happiness and a sense of safety can coexist.

The journey starts with a firm decision to not live in a state of fear. Tools like therapy, supportive communities, and resources like healing cards can affirm positive self-beliefs and safe emotional experiences. The aim is to learn to trust in one’s ability to deal with life’s ups and downs without fear dominating the response.

For those looking to further understand or heal from a fearful-avoidant attachment style, consider exploring more resources and possibly reaching out for professional guidance to navigate this path towards a happier, healthier relational life.

Conclusion

While the journey to overcoming a fearful-avoidant attachment style may be challenging, the outcomes — deeper and healthier relationships, a better understanding of self, and a more fulfilling emotional life — are truly invaluable. Remember, taking the first step towards change is often the most crucial. Embrace the journey to a more secure and connected life.

Thank you for reading, and I look forward to sharing more insights in future posts!