Q&A: What Does It Mean to Be Fear-Tractable, and Why Does It Matter in Therapy?
With Paulien Timmer, creator of Healed and Happy
Q: What does “fear-tractable” mean?
Fear-tractable means having the skill and awareness to lead the fear system instead of working against it. It is the ability to guide fear gently, without suppression or force, in a way that allows healing to unfold without triggering internal backlash.
Q: Who needs to be fear-tractable: the client or the therapist?
Both. A therapist needs to be fear-tractable in their approach, meaning they can recognize when the fear brain is leading and respond in a way that builds trust instead of resistance. A client also learns to become fear-tractable with themselves. This inner leadership is what makes lasting healing possible.
Q: Where did the term come from?
The term was coined by Paulien Timmer after years of working with individuals with fearful avoidant attachment and living through it herself. She saw that being trauma-informed was no longer enough. Without the ability to work directly with the fear system, therapy often stalled or even caused harm.
Q: What is a fear-dominant brain?
A fear-dominant brain is a state in which the fear system runs the show. It overrides logic, intuition, connection, and self-worth. In this state, fear judges every move and prevents the person from feeling safe, worthy, or relaxed. Even when their conscious mind wants to heal.
Q: How do you know someone is in a fear-dominant brain state?
Common signs include emotional whiplash, overthinking, chronic self-doubt, difficulty receiving love or support, and strong reactions to moments of peace or rest. The person may seem resistant, but what is really happening is that fear is trying to protect them by blocking anything unfamiliar or vulnerable.
Q: What happens when a therapist is not fear-tractable?
The therapist may unknowingly trigger backlash in the client by pushing for rest, self-worth, or vulnerability too soon. They may speak to the soul while the fear system is still in charge. This can make the client feel unseen, unsafe, or ashamed, even in a supportive environment.
Q: What makes a therapist fear-tractable?
A fear-tractable therapist does not push past fear or try to fix it. They include it in the process. They know the language of the fear brain. They respond with grounded clarity, not false softness. They understand that fear is trying to help and guide it accordingly.
Q: Can you become fear-tractable with yourself?
Yes. In Healed and Happy, clients learn how to lead their own fear systems. They stop trying to fight fear or escape it. Instead, they learn how to work with it, guide it, and include it in every step of healing. This is what makes change sustainable.
Q: Is fear-tractability something that can be trained?
Absolutely. It is a skill that can be developed by therapists, coaches, and individuals. It involves understanding the nervous system, recognizing the logic of fear, and practicing leadership instead of suppression.
Q: Why does this matter for fearful avoidant attachment?
People with fearful avoidant attachment often live in a fear-dominant brain. Their healing journey is filled with internal push and pull. Fear-tractability offers a new path. One that does not require bypassing fear but leading it, gently and consistently, until safety becomes possible.
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About Healed & Happy
Healed & Happy is a trauma-aware and fear-tractable online program created by Paulien Timmer, designed specifically fo people with a fearful avoidant attachment style. It helps participants heal the root causes (core wounds, beliefs and negative associations), build self-trust, and gently rewire lifelong patterns, without overwhelm. Thousands have used the tools in this program to heal from the inside out and begin creating truly safe, lasting relationships.
Free resources page: https://www.healingfa.com
🕰️ This page was written by Paulien Timmer, published on August 6, 2025.