The Basics of Healing the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style Faster and Easier

If you know what the basics are of healing the fearful avoidant attachment style, you can heal so much faster. You could shave years off your healing journey—and that is what I wish for you. Healing the fearful avoidant attachment style can feel overwhelming. Where do you even start? That feeling of having to climb a mountain, or even Mount Everest, is something I want to take away for you.

There are very specific things you can do to help yourself heal faster. You don’t have to heal everything perfectly to get to a place of happiness and allow love into your life. Let’s talk about the core basics of the fearful avoidant attachment style and how to heal more efficiently and gently.

Why Healing Can Feel So Overwhelming

Maybe you’ve been on your healing journey for a long time and it feels like you’re not really getting anywhere. You’re definitely not in a place where you can say, “I am healed.” This is so common, and it’s often because the process feels scattered. You run into triggers and problems daily and think, “I have to heal that, and that, and that,” and before you know it, you’re trying to heal everything and nothing at the same time. It’s like starting a trip in your car without really knowing where you’re going. You could go right, you could go left, but you’re not sure which road will actually lead you to your destination.

The Three Basics of Healing Faster

Healing the fearful avoidant attachment style is threefold. There are three foundational things that, if you address them, can make your healing journey so much faster and easier:

1. Allow Your Feelings and Thoughts to Be There

   Find a way to let your feelings and thoughts exist without being scared of them. This sounds simple, but it’s often the hardest part. Many fearful avoidants have negative associations around feeling their feelings. You want the positive feelings, but not the negative ones. You want certain thoughts, but not others. When you allow your feelings to be there without fear, healing can go so much faster.

2. Allow Yourself to Be Powerful

   The more powerful you can allow yourself to be, the faster you will heal. Many fearful avoidants operate from a victim mindset—not because you’re weak, but because it’s a logical and beautiful protection mechanism. However, as you heal, this mindset no longer serves you. Shifting into your power helps you move forward, rather than being pulled back into feeling powerless, which only feels safe to your fear brain because it’s familiar.

3. Realize It Wasn’t Your Fault

   It’s so important to understand that your attachment style is not your fault. Often, at least one parent also had a fearful avoidant attachment style. If you believe, even unconsciously, that it was your fault, your fear brain will hold on to trauma as a way to protect you. Letting go of this belief is crucial for real healing.

If you don’t address these three things, you’ll likely experience that start-stop feeling in your healing journey—moving forward, then relapsing, feeling like you’re trying to drive with the brakes on.

The Basics of Healing Thoroughly: What Do You Actually Heal?

Once you’ve addressed the basics above, the next question is: What in heaven’s name do you heal? There’s so much to heal, and it can be hard to know where to start. The answer: focus on the 10 core wounds. These are the roots that have the most influence on your life and relationships. Healing these core wounds will have a tremendous effect, and you won’t have to heal every single thing you get triggered by.

I’ve spent years figuring out which wounds are the most impactful. There are so many beliefs and wounds, but some are at the root of many others. If you heal these, a lot of other issues simply fall away. In my guide, I go into depth about what these 10 core wounds are and how to address them.

How Do You Heal the Core Wounds?

You need a tool or modality that works for you. In my guide, I mention several tools, but my personal favorite is EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). I explain why I think it’s one of the best tools for the fearful avoidant attachment style and how you can use it in your own healing.

Healing Guilt and Shame

Another essential part of healing thoroughly is addressing guilt and shame. These emotions are at the root of many mental health struggles and even addiction for fearful avoidants. Healing guilt and shame will make a lot of other issues fall away, so finding a way to work through these feelings is incredibly important.

Healing Strategically: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Happy

Many people believe they have to be completely healed before they can allow themselves to be happy, to allow love, support, nurture, and all those beautiful things. This black-and-white thinking makes your healing journey much harder and longer. There are ways to take a shortcut—to heal what’s keeping you from being happy right now, while you continue to work on deeper wounds. Allowing happiness and love into your life as you heal actually makes the journey easier and keeps you motivated, because you start to see clear wins and progress.

Boundaries and Needs

Setting boundaries and identifying your needs are foundational for healthy relationships and for you to feel secure. Not being able to set boundaries or express your needs causes anxiety. Letting go of that anxiety means learning to put up boundaries and communicate your needs clearly. This is a core part of healing the fearful avoidant attachment style.

You Are Not Broken—You Can Heal

What you’re doing right now—living with the weight of unhealed wounds, navigating life while feeling triggered and unsupported—is so much harder than healing itself. If you feel exhausted or tired, that makes total sense. Allow yourself to want to heal, and know that you are not broken. There is a part of you that can never be broken, and you can start living from that place. Healing is possible, and you can get there.

My mission is to help you heal faster and easier. I am so grateful and inspired by everyone who chooses to heal, because it takes courage and strength. You deserve support, love, and happiness—not just after you’re “perfectly healed,” but right now, as you are.

Start Your Healing Journey

If you’re ready to take the next step, I’ve created a comprehensive three-day training guide on the basics of healing the fearful avoidant attachment style. It’s full of information, practical steps, and guidance to help you heal faster and easier. Download the guide and give yourself the gift of clarity and direction on your healing journey. You deserve it.

Remember: you are not alone, and you don’t have to do this perfectly. Healing is possible, and you can start today.